Wednesday, 6 February 2013

How to Write About India

During our English class, we read an article about how to write about Africa. This is the original post. We are not required to write a similar post for our home countries.

How to Write About India: 

Writing about India is perhaps the least difficult thing to do, mainly because there are so many stereotypical things to touch on. For the title, it is vital to use at least one of the following words: “poverty” “cows” “caste” “cricket” “Bollywood” and “Calcutta”

The cover of the book can show absolutely no sign of India’s modern day civilization. Instead, it should either be the cliche poor girls or boys sitting on the side of the street with their hands out, begging for food. If not, a large group of devotees praying away in a holy temple. If this still does not suit your case, a group of boys pushing a large truck tire with sticks should do just fine as well.

When writing about India, you must make sure to make it seem as though it is one vast land. About half being poor and suffering from malnutrition, while the other half must be a heartless, heavily bearded rich house that hosts many posh parties where woman only wear bejeweled saris and the kids run around in Kurtas and Lehengas. 

Make sure to say that absolutely no females go to school what so ever, and don’t bother mentioning the large number of female politicians that impact the Indian government everyday. There must be a large mention of cows on the street, the many gods that India worships, the importance of not eating beef, curry, curry, how we bathe in curry, pray to curry, and eat it with every single mean in a day. There must also be a few paragraphs on the thousands of Bollywood posters everywhere. Indians bursting into song and dance every few minutes, singing about their misfortunes or good luck.

Each corner, there must be a street vendor selling some curried meat or vegetable. The sky should always be littered with air pollution, and electrical wires. No one can speak English. When white people talk to Indians, they must take pictures with them and gasp at their light skin tone. Don’t forget, Indians also like to touch Blonde people’s heads since its good luck. Every bus that is mentioned in the book, make sure to mention that it is absolutely covered in people. The public is rude and curt, people do not smile or acknowledge strangers. 

And most importantly, if you want to write about India, talk about the spices. How absolutely everyone is either involved in the spice trade, owns a curry restaurant, a priest, a cow trader or a national cricket star.


  1. One question just out of curiosity. why do we need to use calcutta in the title?

    1. India's poverty is usually associating with Calcutta (most of the cliche pictures are from there)

    2. That is completely wrong. Truthfully they are mostly associated with Mubai because thats were most of India's Poverty lies. Mumbai has the largest slum in India

    3. Can you not. There are lots of pictures of poor Indians from Calcutta okay.